I cranked my lorry and pressed the petrol to the floor. The silencer was dodgy and it awoke the blokes from their kip. Knackered from a long fortnight I’d hoped to nick some kip myself but I needed to get to the Ironmonger when it opened. I passed over a sleeping policeman and the impact nearly cost me the dynamo. I was going too fast as I went through the Zebra Crossing, nearly hitting the Lollipop Man. He thought I was a nutter as he shouted, “Have ye lost the plot you muppet?” I didn’t slow down as I didn’t need an argy-bargy before brekky, which reminded me I’d be spawny to find a brekky sannie this early. A biscuit would be brilliant and a doodle in a hurry but it was a parky day and I had but a few bobs. I’d love to have petrol in the boot but the niff would make me chudder. I may run out and when I do it’s a Shank’s Pony for me. Nothing Heath Robinson about it…I’d be jammy to not become a cabbage on walkabout. It’s been yonks since I’ve yomped like a Wally!
Huh? British English is different from U.S. English in many ways. It’s been said we are an Empire and a country separated by a common language. Here’s the translation:
I cranked my truck and pressed the gas to the floor. The muffler was in bad shape and it awoke the guys from their sleep. I was tired from two long weeks and I’d hoped to steal some sleep myself but I had to get to the hardware store at opening time. I went over a speed bump and it nearly broke my generator. I was speeding as I went through a crosswalk and I almost hit the Crossing Guard. He thought I was crazy and he shouted, “Have you lost your mind you foolish man?” I kept going as I didn’t need an argument before breakfast, which reminded me I would be fortunate to find a breakfast sandwich at such an early time. A cookie would be great and easy in a hurry but the day was cold and I had little money. I would love to have a can of gas in the trunk of my car but the smell would make me throw up. I may run out of gas and if so it will mean a long walk over rough terrain. Nothing overly complicated about it…I’d be quite lucky if I didn’t turn into a slow person on a long walk. It’s been ages since I’ve hiked over rough ground like a total buffoon!
Ah, perfectly clear now!!!
It’s possible we speak the Gospel story, even our own unique faith stories, in a language other people cannot understand. It’s in English, but it’s in Church-English, or worse, in Baptist-Church-English. “Walking the Aisle to be washed in the Blood of the Lamb and to be Saved from being Lost,” would be alien to many/most seekers totally unfamiliar with church language. In the 21st Century it just might be best to speak the Gospel in the most common language possible. Straight-Up English is the best bet…even if you’re in the United Kingdom…where you want to make it an absolute Doodle, and never Heath Robinson!
Johns Creek Baptist Church